Apr 2006

I heard the front door unlock around 3:00am. There was a small shuffle, a stumble and something rocked itself into a stationary position. I openned my door. My flatmate stood with a large grin on his face.
"We need the fridge space brother," he said

.....

My obsession had started a few years back, on my first trip to Japan. Every 2nd Tuesday of the month, my friends and myself would put on our blackest clothes and venture into the dark. By 1am, most of the windows lights were out and we thought it was somehow more respectful. During those darken hours, we would scourer through rubbish piles new and far for anything that looked useful, interesting or simply good bragging rights. I had dragged home a 1.5M glass top table, bar fridge, numerous gold plated decorations. News of glorious piles travelled fast between groups on those nights. "yeah, 3 blocks over, near the yellow car is great for plates and cutlery" and within 10 minutes we would be grinning at our new forks and knives. We aquired mattress for others, and even sent for reinforments for the 72inch TV, balancing it precariously on a bicycle seat with 4 of us trying to steer the 3km back to the apartment block. It would have gone down in the history as the best find of the year had it worked. Those were the days ...

....

I could see the glint of excitment in his eyes.

"I got a chair aswell, although we might need to cover it with something. The woods pretty rotten underneath. Word has it theres a Unicycle a few blocks over" What the hell do we need with a Unicycle? He open the fridge and produced 8 plates, 4 cups and a number of butter knives. The fridge was 3/4 the size of the one the 3 of us had used. It was a good find.
"How the hell did you get it home?" I asked. He turned and produced a small wooden square with castor wheels on its base. "Ahh, I understand"

We have been out 4 nights in a row now. More chairs, more plates. Our other flatmate must wonder where all the new kitchen utensils come from but she hasnt said anything. His balcony is quickly becoming a comfortable place to sit, with a new couch (complete with taped up backboard), white plastic hanging rods for a clothes line. Last night we carried 2 bricks to shuffle his aircon unit off the ground and back into the corner of the ledge. This gave us an extra foot of leg space.

Now if only we could find that Unicycle again ...

9pm. Another cloudy night.

A cool breeze wisps my long hair across my face, tickling my nose and cheeks. Yoda river stretches before me from left to right. I can see it shimmering and rippling in the reflected streetlight glow. Car headlights dance up and down the numerous bridges; golden orbs towards me and strawberry red moving away. Giant silver snakes glidge across the waterway, their many windows look like large yellow scales down the side of their belly. Chachink-chachink Chachink-chachink. From here, I can almost make out the tired and weary businessmen only now beginning to head home.

Blurry skyline ... what do you expect from a phone camera?

Umeda rises up from across the water. Large skyscapers freckled in yellow windows and flashing red spots. The smell of salt water catches on the breeze and brings with it a scent of fried chicken and seaweed. In the foreground a cat rummages through a pile of rubbish, cans, paper, plastic, looking for a discarded food or a small rodent to call a meal. It calls out in frustration before slinking past me and disappearing into the shadows. A low rumble above me and the clouds light up. An invisible plane glides somewhere beyond, its headlights like 2 large china plates marching across the sky. And then they are gone, disappearing behind the square apartment blocks behind me.

My flatmates are sick. Tonite I am alone by the river, burning smells and images in my head. My legs dangling over the concrete edge above the sand flats and riverbank before me.I want to remember it all. I want to be able to close my eyes and be back here; feel the wind again, smell the air, taste the breeze, hear the city breathe around me.

And as the wind picks up I paste the last of my memories into my mind, grab my bag and wander back through the streets to my room.

I wake up an hour before my alarm. Its 10am. I cant seem to fall back to sleep. My thoughts drift back to the night before, attempting to focus on the plotline and twists of of "24". Desperate for English TV, we had hired out season 2 and watched the first 4 hours, back to back. In a drowsy haze, I try to pull together its delicate web as I complete my morning rituals.

I am half way through frying up some Tofu and Soy Sauce when my flatmate wanders out. He cluches his stomache and grimaces from beneath his bedevilled hair. He doesnt need to speak. I understand the look of terror and his nervous smile. Today is the first day of the school year proper.

-----

Somewhere in Takatsuki City (Kansai area) is a Japanese lass excitedly blowing up balloons and tacking decorations around the foyer and rooms. She has already layed out the 8 name badges, each delicately handwritten; pink for girls, blue for boys. They lie silently in the center of the new cushions which are carefully arranged in a semi-circle. She wonders quietly to herself if the room needs more green or red to be balanced. Will blue create a friendly atmosphere, will pink soften it? What would a group of 6 year old prefer?

She again cleans the large windows which make up the internal walls, there can be no smudges or streaks. In a few hours, the room will be full of excited children run and screaming and having fun, their parents pressed against the glass. Some will hid conspiciously around the corner, out of their child's view but their every sigh and shuffle caught in a teachers peripherial vision. Others will simply look on and offer the occasional smile or wave of encouragement.

-----

"Oh god. I dont think I can eat this.　Im gonna be sick!" cries my flatmate. Im 1/2 way through the tofu omelette I cooked and send him a shrug.
"Ive got a group of 4-6 year olds, 8x 6-9 years olds, and a adult group class! Not to mension the FTLs.　Atleast you get to sing "Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" By the time you teach the vocab, thats bound to kill 10 minutes right there," I reply. He glances over at me and back at his toast.
"True say, " he smiles, "atleast its not as bad as your schedual." Damn, hes right.
We pour over the training material, desperate for some insight into classroom management, implementing rules, song lyrics, flash card usage, alphabet activities. After an hour, the words start swimming on the page. We drive ourselves crazy with worst case scenarios, then recount out own years of mischief from our pre-teen school days.
"Oh god. Its gonna be hell," we both chorus in unison.

-----

I arrive at the school an hour early. I need to prep my room, write my lesson plan on the whiteboard, lay the flashcards out, check the pens work, que the cassette tapes. I can hear a high pitch squeal from the foyer. I glance at the clock. 5 mintues to the hour, 5 minutes till the class. The sound of chatter gets louder and louder as the kids assemble outside. I try not too look. Finish your board work. Do I have all the colour cards.　A cookie monster hand puppet lays limp at my feet.

I hear a noise and turn. Small faces with giant eyes peek around the corner. Now I feel sick. Turn back, turn back! Greet students, do the roll call, teach colours ... Black, pink, blue, green, red ... wheres red?!?

I can hear them creep closer. I turn and they run out, shrieking and laughing. With my back towards them they again creep closer. Turning, i hear them giggle and see only their little legs as they bolt outside. Again and again and again we play this game, each time they creep further and further in, testing my boundries, while I check my materials. I glance at the clock. Its time. I don the Cookie Monster hand puppet and take a deep breath. Wish me luck, I say to him as I approach the door and motion for them to line up.

And then I go blank ....

You might think in Japan there is a language problem when ordering from Resturants. Considering they speak Japanese and I speak English you might even be willing to through some money down it.

The new foreigner usually go through several levels.
Denial - McDonalds and KFC are their main diets. So pleased with themselves that they can point to a picture of a Big Mac

Anger - McDonalds and KFC still dominate but they are angry that it doesnt taste like home. And WTF is an Ebisu-burger (prawn burger BTW)

Adventure - Stepping into the supermarket can be intimidation but every foriegner soon finds his way to the cup-o-noodles and spagettii.

Acceptance - If you aint gonna lean the language, take a wild stab at the menu. After all, it isnt all raw fish and seaweed right?

Ordering - Most places have a window which displays all the prices with a realistic plastic model right beside it. Sometimes you can order with basic words (Curry o-kudasai - please give me a curry). Alternatively, drag the poor confuesed lass outside and point at the desired item.

Ordering (with Ubergeek style) - Grab your cool funky mobile phone and take a picture of you food.

Tonights food

Technology has never tasted soooo sweet

Wanna know why Japan is alittle crazy ?

Try drinking Sweat ...

... perhaps buy a doll for your children ...

... maybe english is your cup of tea (check out the 3rd line)...